Baptisms - November 2006

Clare Garner's story ....

I’ve been coming to church for quite a long time now. When I became a Christian I didn’t have a big moment – I became a Christian gradually throughout the years.

When I was younger my nan and granddad brought me along to church. I wasn’t interested in church. I used to come for the social side of it, because Sunday was the only time I could see my friends. When I was in trailblazers I used to listen but wasn’t really interested and never used to join in.

One day I just got really fed up and bored of church, so I stopped coming for quite a long time. I didn’t see the point of it. I thought of it as another day at school. I didn’t think about church at all until my nan asked me if I would like to start going again, so I did.

I came back and everything was different. My friend Rebecca had left, but I still saw Anna, but she seemed more interested in church. She joined in and knew where all the Bible passages were. Because when I came back everyone seemed more interested, I started to listen more and I didn’t see it as the social side anymore. It started getting more interesting.

When I moved up to E1 I started to understand and believe more of what the leaders were saying  - it became more interesting. I wasn’t coming all the time, but a few months later when I was at church they were talking about groups that I should go to outside of church but I didn’t want to go by myself so I decided to invite my friend Louise along to church.
She didn’t understand at first what it was all about so she wanted to come again. The second time she came we decided to ask Claire if we could join an emerge group.” Of course”, she said.

We started going along and emerge really helped me understand a few things I didn’t understand. I wasn’t afraid to ask. Because I understood a lot more, I had started to trust God and rely on him, but at that point it wasn’t easy because life was a bit difficult at that time and I started to question things.

I remember one day I asked a question about why we have to go through such hard times in life, and the very next day I was reading and right there in the book it said God puts us through hard times because it’s a test to see if we come through still believing in him, and that encouraged me more because I knew that what people had told me before about whatever you pray for you will always get an answer. It might take time but you will in the end.

I can’t remember when it was, but I remember realising that I was a Christian. It took quite a long time, but I realised in the end that I loved God and trusted in him. I didn’t just wake up one day and think I was a Christian. I thought about it a lot. But I couldn’t understand why I hadn’t had a big moment like everyone else had when they became a Christian. To make sure I was a Christian every time I went to a Christian gig and they asked if anyone wanted to become a Christian and said pray the prayer I did just to make sure I was. But I realised that I didn’t need to because I was a true Christian because I did love God.

After a little while I realised that I didn’t need to keep saying it and I became all right with becoming a Christian the way I did.

But things started to change in my life and it started getting harder and I started questioning God again. But if I look back I realise that I knew God was there all the time – I just didn’t talk to him all the time. I chose when I was going to talk to him. But I have always turned to God, and I feel quite lucky to have been brought to church from quite a young age because if I didn’t know God things might have been different. But I have known God was with me all my life even if I would have questioned some things I still knew deep down that he was there for me.

So things were going OK and I loved coming to church and I wanted to live for God, so I started thinking about being baptised and I knew deep down that I was ready. So me and Carrie asked Claire, and she said that we could, and I explained to her that I didn’t have a big moment, and she said that it didn’t matter because I loved God and wanted to follow him, so that meant I was a Christian.

I was really excited about my baptism and then there was Soul Survivor coming up. To be honest, I didn’t know what to expect. I had heard so many things about people screaming and laughing with the Holy Spirit.

When Soul Survivor came it was really different to what I had expected it to be like. I don’t know what I expected it to be like, but that wasn’t it.
When we got into the main worship session the atmosphere was calm and I felt welcomed, but then half way through they explained what they would be doing next and this was the bit I was scared about. They said that prayer ministry was coming up, and that they were going to welcome the Holy Spirit into the room and that people would react differently to the Holy Spirit.

So they welcomed the Holy Spirit into the room and we had to be patient and the whole tent was quiet.

All of a sudden I heard a really loud scream. I was so scared. At that point I didn’t know what to do, but Mike Pilivachi, the host, explained that people were crying and falling over and screaming because they had lots of hurt inside of them and they needed to let it out.
He reassured us that it didn’t hurt them at all – they just needed to let it out because some people had bottled up everything and it had got too much so they needed to let it out.

On Tuesday, when the main session came, I knew what to expect, but I was thinking, “no way am I letting this happen to me, whether it hurt or not”.

But there were a few things that he said that connected to me and made me think, and I started thinking because I knew that what he said connected to me and I started crying because I knew that God was trying to tell me something.

I knew what he was saying was right and to this day I still know that he’s right because he has done some of the things he said he was going to do for me an I still know he is working on it because I see little changes every day. I know God won’t let me down.

When Wednesday came, I still was determined not to let anything happen to me. I just believed that because I hadn’t had any big experiences before that, nothing would happen to me. I didn’t think that sort of thing was for me.

When Thursday came my stomach felt different, like I was nervous, but I didn’t have anything to be nervous about. All day on Thursday Carrie kept saying to me, “don’t resist, just let him in, don’t resist”, and she kept on saying it, so I tried to stay away, but when the main worship session came she sat near me and she was still saying it. I just thought, “Oh, all right, whatever”.

I still didn’t think anything was going to happen, but then I remembered Claire saying during the week that you have to be willing to let God in for him to do anything, so I decided not to resist.

But when the prayer ministry came I just felt normal until Claire came over an asked if I was all right. I said, “Yes”, but all of a sudden I just burst out crying. I had no idea why I was crying, but I couldn’t stop myself.

Then I could hear Claire saying to someone that I was rocking and I was going to fall. Well I didn’t think I was. I didn’t even realise that I was rocking. The next thing I knew I was falling, but I felt about five people helping me down. Then I was on the floor, but it felt like I was laying in God’s arms, but at that point I was still crying. I could hear things, but they were blocked out in the background.

Then all of a sudden I heard a man say to Claire, “Why do you think she’s crying?” and Claire said, “for freedom”, so the man said to me, “Clare, if you can hear me, take a firm grip of your friend’s hand”. Someone took hold of my hand and the man said then, “Let go”, and at that point I immediately stopped crying and felt at peace like I had never felt before – it was different. I didn’t have any control over what was happening to me. I felt like I had no worries. I had nothing to worry about.

Apparently I lay there for quite a long time, and as soon as I let go of Claire’s hand my face was shining like it never had before.

 I also asked how many people there were that helped me down and they said there were only two, but it really felt like there were more than that. I also realised that my favourite song was playing while I was crying and while I had my experience. That’s why I’ve chosen it as my Baptism song.

 Ever since I came back from Soul Survivor I had felt really different. Whenever I had any worries I knew that God was always there for me. I just remember what happened to me at Soul Survivor and I feel better and apparently for a number of weeks afterwards my face was still shining.

 So I’m standing here today because I love God and want to follow him because of all the amazing things he has done in my life.

Carrie Frost's story ....

Ever since I can remember I’ve been coming to Burlington. I’ve grown up through all of Junior Church and the Girls’ Brigade, and this is where I gained all of my basic knowledge of Jesus and who he was and what he did for me.

Coming to church when I was younger was never an issue for me. I never questioned it. It was just part of my weekend routine, where I would meet up with some of my friends, and nothing more. However, that all changed when I started High School. From about year 9 onwards I was very aware of the fact that a lot of people thought that anyone who went to church was weird or un-cool. However, as my friends didn’t know I went to church I quite happily fitted in with everyone else, and if we all had plans for the weekend I would, without a second thought, cancel going to church and go out with my friends instead - until the point where for about 6 months I gave up going to church altogether. At this point I remember feeling like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders, as I no longer had to disguise the fact that I went to church anymore. At the same time, as each Sunday came along, I couldn’t help but feel that I was missing out on something. It felt like I was being drawn back to Burlington. But still I chose to ignore it, and stayed well away from church.

I cut all ties with church until one day I received a phone call from Becky Willson, on behalf of the eternity team, saying that they’d noticed I hadn’t been at church for a long time, and she encouraged me back.

So when the next Sunday came, I went back to church and sat out of the way upstairs with Jazmin and Justine. Throughout the service there were a few songs and, just as it used to be, the whole church was singing apart from me. I just stood there too embarrassed to sing at all. Suddenly, though, I felt that I wanted to join in. So I did, and at that moment it became apparent to me what I had been missing. I felt free, and couldn’t stop smiling. That was the first time I started to take God seriously and really wanting to know more about him.

As I got older throughout school the pressures of keeping the secret that I went to church increased a lot, and every Sunday before I left for church I would always say to my dad, “If anyone rings, just tell them I’m out, don’t tell them that I’m at church!” It felt like I had two lives, one church life and one school life, and when the people from both met I found it extremely uncomfortable as I’d always be asked the question, “So where do you know those people from then?”

At the Church Weekend May 2004 was when my life as I knew it rapidly began to fall apart. In a matter of days after the weekend was over it felt like my life and everything I knew had descended into chaos as my family was literally torn apart. This was made worse by the fact that this all happened right in the middle of my school exams. It was at this point, more than ever before, I needed God’s help and I asked him to get me through my exams, and for the disruption of what was going on at home to have minimal reflection on the exam grades I achieved – and it did – I came out with two A’s and two B’s.

However, what I now began to find was that some very special people came into my life which was, and continues to be, such a blessing from God. Not only did they look after and comfort me, but they gave me new hope, gave up so much of their time for me, and most of all they welcomed me into their family and truly loved me. For that I will be forever grateful.

A big turning point for me was when we did “The 40 Days of Purpose” course at emerge. I felt God was really guiding me through those 40 days and I found myself reading the answers to a lot of the questions and doubts that I desperately wanted answered. One particular message that stuck in my head from the book we were reading was “If Jesus is in the centre of your life then you worship, but if he’s not then you worry”. I kept thinking I’m worrying constantly, so God can’t be in the centre of my life; I can’t be sharing enough with him and trusting in him.

I’ve tried various ways of getting on with my life. Sometimes I thought that I knew best, other times I’d let people tell me what to do. Sometimes I’d just follow the crowd, but it wasn’t until I decided to follow God that I realised just how unhappy I was before and that whatever I was trying to fill my life up with never made me feel satisfied or happy.

I’m sure that at times my life has been anything but what God wanted it to be. I’ve seen things I should never have seen, and been forced into situations far too quickly and far too young, that should never have been, that terrified me. I used to blame God and constantly ask him, “Why me?” But now I understand that God’s love is more powerful than any fear, and if God’s on my side there is never anything to fear. I realise now that it’s never God’s intention that bad things happen, but when they do He will always turn that bad into something good, and use it to mould and shape us for good purposes somehow. We just need to be patient and have faith. I found it important to remember that the hope that God freely gives us all is more powerful than any doubt we could ever have. Therefore, if we allow ourselves to fully surrender to his love, there is no reason to worry about anything.

For a long time I thought that everything I got I deserved, that I was a bad person who needed to be punished. But as soon as I started to let others in, and trust them, life began to change. For the first time in my life I was surrounded by people who were willing to do everything they possibly could, everything within their power to change my world so that I was happy, safe and loved. I wasn’t on my own anymore.

Ceri taught me that whatever has happened to me in the past couldn’t be changed; it was a fact. But that I shouldn’t let the fear of similar things happening to me again ever stop me from starting something new, because although everything has the potential to fail, equally it has potential to succeed. And it’s those failures and achievements that everyone goes through in life that make us and shape us into the people that we are today.

Last year I started doing a Psychology degree in Cambridge, which I did for the first term, but by then it was clear to me that I really wasn’t enjoying it. And as difficult as it was to leave, because I thought I was letting people down and I didn’t know what I’d do instead, I never went back after the Christmas holidays. However, a few months after I left I was offered a place on a nursing degree course. I’ve now been on the course for two months and settled in really quickly and I’m really enjoying it! I’ve made lots of great new friends and I’ve just started my first practice placement, which is brilliant. God has really smoothed my transition from Cambridge to starting a new course, as I can hardly recognise the person I was this time last year to where I am now.

The trip to Soul Survivor in August this year came at the perfect time for me, as just before we went I was feeling really distant and isolated from God. When we all got there we didn’t quite know what to expect, but we were particularly interested but apprehensive about the thought of what ‘ministry time’ was, and how it all worked. So we asked Claire to come and explain it all to us. However, she said that she didn’t want to tell us much about it, as she wanted to see if we experienced it for ourselves. Me, being me, was very unsatisfied with this answer, but I thought that hopefully it would all make sense later – and it did!

Mike Pillivarchi invited the Holy Spirit to join us and show his presence. Then all of a sudden everyone was in deep concentration and then people started to shout and scream and fall to the floor. Then I started to cry and shake uncontrollably, and my whole body felt all tingly. Then Heather and Claire came over and started praying with me to let Jesus in and let him do what he wanted to do to heal me and to stop fighting him. I started to focus and forgot about what was going on around me, and all I could hear was Claire saying “Rest in the Father’s arms; he won’t hurt you”. I began to feel really tired, relaxed and peaceful and just wanted to fall, but I kept fighting him. Eventually I gave in and fell over and laid down. It felt like I was leaning on God’s love. Almost instantly the shaking and tingling I was feeling became a lot more intense and I couldn’t open my eyes; it felt like electricity was passing through me. My legs felt as heavy as lead and I couldn’t move them. Then, almost as a release, what I can only at best describe, it felt like big bubbles were popping in my legs, one after another in quick succession. It didn’t hurt; it just felt like nothing else I’ve ever felt before. After it had finished I felt totally drained and so tired, but felt somehow different, like God had started to heal me just a little bit and make his power known to me.

Soul Survivor was scary but amazing and mind blowing. But when I got home again it was a bit of a shock to be back, and it was like all the energy, hope and fun had been sucked out of life once again. It took me a few weeks to get my head around what had happened at Soul Survivor. But when I was there I said, “God I’m scared, but I’m willing to trust you, so do what you want with my life”. And sure enough, since I got back things seem to have slowly started slotting into place in my life, which is great – and it’s all thanks to God. And even now as the days go by I feel I’m getting a little bit more healed every day, until one day when I will be totally free.

I learnt so much at Soul Survivor about how defensive I can be towards God, but also how awesome and powerful he is, and what a great healer he is when we let him into our lives and hearts to heal us. - but mostly, that God will never do anything to us unless we are ready and willing to let him, as he never forces anything onto us.

I went away to Soul Survivor with millions of questions about God spinning around in my head. I didn’t find all the answers there, but it was more that I learnt how to reprioritise situations. And now the once pressing questions I had don’t bother me so much any more. It’s like they’ve been replaced by a peaceful reassurance from God, because deep down inside it’s like God’s saying, “Don’t worry, everything’s going to be OK”.

I understand now that in order for God to truly heal me from the inside out, he needed to break me first, and I needed to allow myself to be broken in order for God to make me whole again. I’ve also learnt that when painful things happen to me, I become very focused on that pain and God seemed to take a back seat. I thought that he didn’t care, because it seemed that he never helped me. But what I now realise is that God never starts to heal us in the way and places in our lives where we think he should, but rather he starts that healing process where we least expect him to. He knows the most beneficial places to start healing us.

I’ve had countless debates with Claire over MSN about the fact that I think everything happens for a reason and that there is good in everything and everyone, and that something is only really a mistake if you don’t learn something positive from it. I think it’s so exciting to know that whatever we go through in this world, good or bad, it’s nothing compared to what life will be like when we eventually spend eternity with God.

I can’t believe that I’m actually standing here today, because for a long time I struggled with even the thought of being baptised, even when I saw others before me taking that step, even when sometimes I’d feel God was really trying to speak to me and say “It’s your turn”. But for a long time I consciously chose to ignore his call because I always thought I couldn’t possibly be good enough for God and it must just be me putting the thoughts of baptism in my head. Baptism to me was always something that happened to other people who God had chosen; it felt untouchable to me. But then I realised that baptism was not something that would happen to me at the end of my journey with God, but it’s actually the starting point of a new chapter in my life – a commitment that I want to enter into with God for eternity, that nothing and no-one can take away from me.