Baptism - September 2006

Katie Ruffles's story ....

Since I can remember, I have always had conversations with God. It’s just, until recently, I wasn’t willing to admit it was God I was talking to. I used to say to my sister, that I could call God “Bob” if I wanted to. I must have driven her mad!

You see, my sister has been a Christian for over 10 years now and in that time we have had many discussions about God and the Bible. I remember sitting in a coffee shop once, stubbornly disagreeing with her about Adam and Eve. The more she tried to make me agree, the more adamantly I disagreed.

I used to think that my sister was the strange one in the family – spouting God at me all the time. But now I know she was right. So thank you, Joanne, and sorry for doubting for so long.

I began to see the truth last year. But in order to explain how it all happened, I need to tell you a bit about my life up until then.

MY STORY …
I grew up in Horsham, in West Sussex, with my family. I got married in 1996 at the age of 22, and my husband and I, bought a flat together. In 2000 the company I worked for outsourced my job to India.

After travelling to India to train the new staff, my company gave me the opportunity to pretty much choose where I wanted to work. I asked to transfer to Ipswich, as I had relatives living this way. My husband and I knew and liked the area and house prices were lower, so we could afford to buy a house. I managed to convince my parents, my sister and my family to move too, and in under a year we were all happily settled in.

PAINFUL TIMES …
Everything seemed to be going great but by November 2001 I was divorced – having found out that my husband was having an affair. It was a shock and a very painful time for all the family, but looking back I can see God was at work. He had a plan for me. Guiding me to Ipswich was only the start.

In 2002 there was a new man in my life and he moved in with me. I was still stubbornly ignoring God at this stage and, despite messages sent by Him through my sister, I was adamant I knew best.

We got married in 2003. However, despite my hopes and best efforts, my second marriage was also to end in divorce. You see, soon after we were married my husband became both abusive and violent; and for two years hope and loyalty stopped me from telling anyone about it.

In 2004 Thomas was born. We were both so happy to be parents and I hoped this would be a new chapter in our marriage. But it wasn’t to be, and the abuse steadily escalated. I still believed it was in my power to fix it, so I continued to keep the abuse a secret from my family and friends.

We tried for another baby in 2005 and I soon fell pregnant. I was so happy to be expecting, but I knew that things couldn’t go on as they were. My husband’s moods were becoming increasingly unpredictable. Thomas would soon be old enough to notice then and I was not prepared to put Thomas and our unborn child at risk. I felt so alone and didn’t know which way to turn. Should I leave or keep trying for the sake of the children?

And then, in July last year, I had a miscarriage. I was utterly devastated. It was absolutely the most painful moment of my life.

The abuse got much worse and my husband no longer felt any remorse after violent outbursts. I was starting to feel really afraid around him. In truth, things were so bad that when I had to go to hospital for the miscarriage my mum came with me instead of my husband. As I went under the general anaesthetic I remember praying to God to not let me die during the operation. The thought of leaving Thomas to be brought up by his father was totally terrifying. I remember crying when I woke up – I was so grateful.

People have asked me why I stayed with my husband for so long if things were really that bad. My reply is this: abusive people are not horrible all the time. I stayed in the hope that the kind and loving part in my husband would eventually win through.

THE WAY FORWARD …
But my husband’s behaviour throughout my pregnancy and miscarriage made me see the reality of it all. I realised that unless he wanted to get better, he would continue on as he was and Thomas and I would continue to be in the firing line. I felt an overwhelming need to protect my son from seeing any more of the abuse. I had taken all I could and given my all. I knew with certainty what I must do.

I told my family the truth about my marriage and I asked him to leave. That was such a difficult and frightening time. Thomas and I had to move in with my parents for a time. But through it all I stood firm, with a strength I now know came from God, and eventually he moved out allowing Thomas and I to move back into our home.

A NEW START …
That all happened at the beginning of September last year - the start of the new term at Burlington’s mums’ & toddlers’ group (Tiddlywinks). My sister had put our names on the waiting list earlier in the year and in September we started going. And that is when God truly came into my life.

Up until then I had only gone to church for weddings, funerals and christenings. But I found myself needing to go to church. My sister invited me to go with her to her church, but I felt strongly that I had to do this by myself. So I told her, “No thank you. I want to go to MY CHURCH”.

I felt God calling me specifically to Burlington. I felt an overwhelming need to thank God and such a strong calling to this church. So in October of last year Thomas and I came to our first church service. That was the day I became a Christian. I made a commitment to God as I entered the church. I remember thinking, “I will hide at the back and never tell anyone about my complicated past”. I thought I would sit at the back of the church forever, silently thanking and worshipping God until I was old and grey.

But I am glad to say that God had different ideas and I no longer hid away at the back!

God has made such an amazing difference in my life. He has given me such strength and comfort through everything. He has shown me forgiveness and love, and I stand here today safe in that knowledge. I thank you all for being a part of that and, above all, I thank God – because of his love for me I am here today.

Now, when God speaks, I listen.

I welcome you into my life, Lord, and I know you have such a wonderful future planned for both me and Thomas.
Thank you, Lord. xx